danieltosh on Twitter

5/17 @ 1:23 PM

danieltosh - "warriors have the best fans in the nba." unless they're playing the lakers. then half their fans are the shittiest fans in the nba. Retweet | Reply | Link

5/15 @ 3:08 PM

danieltosh - small surf is going to be a lot more fun thanks to @jhallsurf. 21 feet of art but i'm still not wearing a leash. http://t.co/N9INNIxZmH Retweet | Reply | Link

5/15 @ 1:01 PM

danieltosh - presale for seattle and phoenix starts today – password “tosh” http://t.co/1fY5bV0ZWL Retweet | Reply | Link

5/14 @ 10:31 PM

danieltosh - thanks everybody for watching. we'll be back on the air in a few months. my life is in your pathetic hands. http://t.co/mG23mBJrBA Retweet | Reply | Link

5/14 @ 9:59 PM

danieltosh - let's play nice everyone. please don't say anything you will regret. Retweet | Reply | Link

5/14 @ 9:30 PM

danieltosh - this is the day. this is the day. that the lord has made. that the lord has made. #newtosh #newtosh in 30 minutes. in 30 minutes. Retweet | Reply | Link

5/14 @ 7:31 PM

danieltosh - to clarify, this is not the last tosh.0 of the season. we're just taking a short summer vacation. #newtosh in 2.5 hours. Retweet | Reply | Link

5/14 @ 3:48 PM

danieltosh - if you think i don't know what i'm talking about, wait til you hear what @BillSimmons & @JalenRose have to say on tonight's last #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

5/14 @ 1:39 PM

danieltosh - d-rose just announced that he's loving this time off and is officially questionable for next season. #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

5/14 @ 1:34 PM

danieltosh - the news keeps getting even worse for bulls fans. carlos boozer is healthy for game 5. #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

5/14 @ 1:32 PM

danieltosh - listening to bulls fans complain about not getting calls makes me think they forgot about all of the 90's. #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

5/13 @ 2:53 PM

danieltosh - 2 local shows added in preparation for my new tour. may 23 hollywood & may 28 irvine improv http://t.co/Hj0vNMMYv0 http://t.co/Z8euyMh1Os Retweet | Reply | Link

5/9 @ 3:01 PM

danieltosh - for the 9 of you who can read, my close personal author friend @JimGaffigan put out a magnificent piece of literature http://t.co/TCXB3Ys4Az Retweet | Reply | Link

5/9 @ 2:39 PM

danieltosh - hey @wizkhalifa, when your checks be lookin' like phone numbers, are you including the country code and area code? is there a decimal point? Retweet | Reply | Link

3/19 @ 10:31 PM

danieltosh - good night. extended cuts and re-mixes will be out tomorrow on the blog. Retweet | Reply | Link

3/19 @ 10:00 PM

danieltosh - hey buddies, try to guess which video comedy central had a real problem letting us air. Retweet | Reply | Link

3/19 @ 9:40 PM

danieltosh - backstage doing my pre-show routine. see you in 20 minutes. #Prayer #AnerosStimulation #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

3/19 @ 8:11 PM

danieltosh - not to get expectations too high, but tonights #newtosh has the most disturbing video we have ever successfully fought to get on tv. #nips Retweet | Reply | Link

3/19 @ 3:43 PM

danieltosh - the average of 4 different integers is 75. if the largest integer is 90, what is the least possible value of the smallest integer? #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

3/19 @ 1:36 PM

danieltosh - i want to invest in my fans. if you have any good ideas, let me know how much money you need. #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

3/17 @ 12:22 PM

danieltosh - anyone else live tweeting the LA marathon? #mile17 #6minmiles Retweet | Reply | Link

3/12 @ 10:30 PM

danieltosh - see you next week. love you. mean it. Retweet | Reply | Link

3/12 @ 9:34 PM

danieltosh - *CORRECTION* and yes, i'm aware that i forgot to factor in the cooling period. #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

3/12 @ 9:32 PM

danieltosh - see you guys in 30 minutes. just enough time to make a fresh sheet of peanut brittle. #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

3/12 @ 5:40 PM

danieltosh - if white smoke comes from our chimney there's a new tosh.0 tonight. if you see black smoke there's a lack of oxygen. #vatican #openyourflue Retweet | Reply | Link

3/12 @ 1:37 PM

danieltosh - today is tuesday! you know what that means... ALL YOU CAN EAT BAKED SCALLOPS!!! #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

3/5 @ 10:32 PM

danieltosh - i love you all the exact same amount. see you next week Retweet | Reply | Link

3/5 @ 10:30 PM

danieltosh - i love you all the exact same amount. see you next week. Retweet | Reply | Link

3/5 @ 9:59 PM

danieltosh - i hope the commercials in tonight's episode are better than last week's. im getting sick of this shit ad sales, up your game. tweet time!! Retweet | Reply | Link

3/5 @ 9:27 PM

danieltosh - thought there were some genuine good laughs in comedy central's new show 'nathan for you.' now back to being assholes. #newtosh in 30 min. Retweet | Reply | Link

3/5 @ 6:48 PM

danieltosh - love to drop by one of your viewing parties to live-tweet tonight. you must have picture in picture so i can watch something else. #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

3/5 @ 2:55 PM

danieltosh - happy women's history month to all my sexy bitches. #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

3/5 @ 1:25 PM

danieltosh - if a lot of comedy central shows seem super unfunny, it's because they're huge fans of kaufman and it's all an inside joke. #newtosh Retweet | Reply | Link

3/1 @ 11:06 AM

danieltosh - I was gonna send out a tweet but then I got high. Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high. #LaDaDaDaDa Retweet | Reply | Link

2/28 @ 3:22 PM

danieltosh - if u tweeted me to say spring break is not in october, know that you will never be successful. #annoying #ihateyou #stopfollowingme #fucks Retweet | Reply | Link

2/28 @ 3:10 PM

danieltosh - great, my spring break is ruined! http://t.co/57eRWh1qR0 Retweet | Reply | Link

2/26 @ 10:30 PM

danieltosh - also if you want to watch the uncensored extended spoiler alert. here's the link: http://t.co/VTonthLQ3h. i think it's self-indulgent. Retweet | Reply | Link

2/26 @ 10:30 PM

danieltosh - clink-clunk biscuit neck spoon face apple picker hinto chin bird bucket ducker dirty legs door donkey tan eyes Retweet | Reply | Link

2/26 @ 10:30 PM

danieltosh - if you learned anything from this week's show, it's never call anyone a... cream jockey water flaps sugar taster saddle shins Retweet | Reply | Link

2/26 @ 9:59 PM

danieltosh - remember, if i don't offer you a receipt at the end of tonight's show, the episode will be free. Retweet | Reply | Link

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